Not Sure if He’s the One?…Talk Less, listen more

A lot more.  Dating isn’t easy, much less relationships.  We seem to have this natural ability to embellish upon our qualities, making ourselves seem to offer a lot more than we can – almost like a job interview, except this is more like a “relationship” interview or a “can I get you in bed?” interview, but here’s the problem with these tiny little white lies that we tell….they always come to light.  How long can one really keep up a charade for?  How long can he keep insisting that it’s his mom that lives with him (and not the other way around), until you go there one day and she is trying to kick him out…of his own house? (and of course this makes no sense to you, BECAUSE IT’S NOT HIS HOUSE!!!)

So how can we tell if he’s lying, and when he seems so perfect and you think he might just be relationship material, how do you know he’s the one??? The answer? Talk less and listen more.  This is a concept we often use in law.  You want to get people talking, you have to stop talking and just listen.  I guarantee you he will talk himself into a circle.  Really pay attention to the things he says and how he’s saying it.  You may find some contradictions a long the way or alas, he may just be sincere.

Secondly, does his talk match his actions?  Is he saying one thing and then completely doing another? – The infamous “I donno, I wanna leave my job but I gotta start looking for something…”, follow-up in two weeks.  Has he started or is he still on “gotta start” mode?  If you find that he is always in “gotta start” mode, he is a lazy #%$@#$ and you need to kick his butt to the curb.  A tell-tale sign that he does not have the drive or motivation to do anything for himself, let alone for you or the relationship.

Bear in mind, however, that with all this being said, you yourself need to make sure that you too are being honest about what you can bring to the table in a relationship.  The man doesn’t meet you at 90 percent and you meet him at 10.  You want it to be 50/50 because you want to be valued as an equal partner in a relationship.  Ladies, how do you expect a man to respect you if you cannot do for yourself?  Men who are dating or looking for relationships are shopping for certain qualities of interest in a woman too.  It stretches far beyond physical appearance sometimes (remember your inner beauty reflects your outer and vice versa).

Here’s a tip I will leave with you.  It is true that nice guys always finish last.  There are a lot of attractive, nice, respectable, career-oriented men out there that just don’t get the time of day because we, as women, tend to like “bad boys”.  Here’s some homework for you, however.  The next time you are approached by one of these attractive, nice, respectable, career-oriented men, think about your last few relationships or love-trysts and why they ended; the things you promised yourself (while in those relationships) that you will never allow yourself to succumb to again, and finally what you are genuinely looking for overall.  I’m sure it isn’t a good-looking guy, with a nice body and a criminal record…I can almost guarantee you 🙂

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