Category: Relationships/Dating

Not Sure if He’s the One?…Talk Less, listen more

A lot more.  Dating isn’t easy, much less relationships.  We seem to have this natural ability to embellish upon our qualities, making ourselves seem to offer a lot more than we can – almost like a job interview, except this is more like a “relationship” interview or a “can I get you in bed?” interview, but here’s the problem with these tiny little white lies that we tell….they always come to light.  How long can one really keep up a charade for?  How long can he keep insisting that it’s his mom that lives with him (and not the other way around), until you go there one day and she is trying to kick him out…of his own house? (and of course this makes no sense to you, BECAUSE IT’S NOT HIS HOUSE!!!)

So how can we tell if he’s lying, and when he seems so perfect and you think he might just be relationship material, how do you know he’s the one??? The answer? Talk less and listen more.  This is a concept we often use in law.  You want to get people talking, you have to stop talking and just listen.  I guarantee you he will talk himself into a circle.  Really pay attention to the things he says and how he’s saying it.  You may find some contradictions a long the way or alas, he may just be sincere.

Secondly, does his talk match his actions?  Is he saying one thing and then completely doing another? – The infamous “I donno, I wanna leave my job but I gotta start looking for something…”, follow-up in two weeks.  Has he started or is he still on “gotta start” mode?  If you find that he is always in “gotta start” mode, he is a lazy #%$@#$ and you need to kick his butt to the curb.  A tell-tale sign that he does not have the drive or motivation to do anything for himself, let alone for you or the relationship.

Bear in mind, however, that with all this being said, you yourself need to make sure that you too are being honest about what you can bring to the table in a relationship.  The man doesn’t meet you at 90 percent and you meet him at 10.  You want it to be 50/50 because you want to be valued as an equal partner in a relationship.  Ladies, how do you expect a man to respect you if you cannot do for yourself?  Men who are dating or looking for relationships are shopping for certain qualities of interest in a woman too.  It stretches far beyond physical appearance sometimes (remember your inner beauty reflects your outer and vice versa).

Here’s a tip I will leave with you.  It is true that nice guys always finish last.  There are a lot of attractive, nice, respectable, career-oriented men out there that just don’t get the time of day because we, as women, tend to like “bad boys”.  Here’s some homework for you, however.  The next time you are approached by one of these attractive, nice, respectable, career-oriented men, think about your last few relationships or love-trysts and why they ended; the things you promised yourself (while in those relationships) that you will never allow yourself to succumb to again, and finally what you are genuinely looking for overall.  I’m sure it isn’t a good-looking guy, with a nice body and a criminal record…I can almost guarantee you 🙂

The Lonely Finger Syndrome

I have heard this debate time and again, amongst women and men, and it’s a heavy topic amongst my own circle of friends as well. ARE MEN INTIMIDATED BY ATTRACTIVE AND INDEPENDENT WOMEN?  We can probably beat this conversation dead into the ground and still, no outcome.  The fact still remains that people will have their own individual opinion when it comes to this topic.

Ladies (single ladies), I’m sure you have seen it time again – the woman who appears to put no effort or pride in her physical appearance, has a very ordinary job, no sense of style, flare or sense of humour (no sex appeal), yet is sporting the biggest rock on her ring finger, along with a band.  She’s married, clearly.  You wonder how she even landed a proposal.  Then you start to wonder, ‘Did she always look this way or did she just get comfortable?’  And then you begin to pity her and swear to yourself that when you meet Prince Charming and finally marry him one day, that you will NEVER…EVER let yourself go.

So the question is, how do these pre-ball Cinderella-looking women even land a proposal, when there are millions of attractive and intelligent women, with a great career, who are still single?  Are men simply intimidated by the career-oriented woman or is it something about the career oriented woman that is far too complex that she appears to be a turn off for the average man???  Are men intimated by overly attractive women or are overly attractive women too demanding and (perhaps) shallow???  

I will point out that I conducted a rather informal survey amongst different social groups.  The results were cut down the middle. There were many men who admitted to being intimidated by beautiful women with high paying jobs or successful careers.  Those very same men admitted to preferring to date a more “average” looking woman with an “average” job; less headache and lower maintenance.  There were a large amount of successful women who admitted to finding the dating scene very difficult, as they found the people they were dating to feel very insecure and almost uninterested in what they do.  

Interestingly enough, there were an equal amount of men who admitted they prefer to date an attractive and successful woman and found that to be an added bonus.  One thing I happened to notice (and you can agree to disagree) was that the men who do not find an attractive and successful woman intimidating are the men who are quite successful themselves.  I also found that the men who did admit to finding these women intimidating, were men that were facing their own financial or job-related challenges.  Maybe it’s safe to say that, we as women – if we want to find a partner that will compliment our lifestyle – he needs to be on par.  It could definitely have something to do with how he views himself and whether or not he feels as though he measures up.

Ladies, men are not intimidated by our beauty or our success – at least, the RIGHT man will never be.  Be patient and just keep doing whatever it is you are doing, for he will come along.  Don’t get caught up in comparing yourself to another woman and asking what she may have that you don’t, because you have no idea what she has to go home to everyday 😉

“Meet MOM”

Meeting mom for the first time ? Nervous? You shouldn’t be.  If he has made it a point to introduce you to “Mom” formally…FORMALLY (not you meeting mom unexpectedly after she happened to wander into his room in the middle of a midday romp) then you’re in the winning circle already.  You should feel honoured for in his eyes you’re worth it, but you already knew this. Give yourself a pat on the back and just continue to be yourself, for it was “yourself” that he has seen all along.  This is the YOU he wants to introduce to mom, so don’t sweat it.

Just smile and remember to be polite.  I’m a little old fashion, so unless advised otherwise, I would still address “Mom” as Ms. or Mrs. So and so.  You will want to make sure that you are dressed appropriately, yet comfortably, when meeting mom for the first time. You don’t have to necessarily go out and buy anything, unless you’re meeting her at (perhaps) a formal family gathering or dinner. Wear something that defines YOU.  

And lastly, be honest with who you are.  Don’t feel the need to have to embellish anything because chances are, if you’re in a long term relationship with her son, the truth will come out eventually.  You don’t want to go through months of having a decent relationship with “Mom” for her to find out you are a liar in the long run (ouch!).  

Bottom line is, if he has made the decision to introduce to you “Mom” he KNOWS you’re worthy, just as you are.  You need to know and believe it too, and then run with that….GOOD LUCK!